So, you want to be a writer...?

Start a Blog, they said. It’s easy, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.

So, I decided to do just that.

First, I needed to choose a name for my blog. Next, I needed to choose a topic. And lastly, I needed to choose a voice.

Easy peasy I said, to no one in particular.

Then, it occurred to me that I might have to learn how to write. How to write in a blogger’s voice. Not a textbook writer’s. Nor a novelist’s. Nor a newspaper reporter’s. And definitely not a screenwriter’s. But, in my voice. My real voice. Camouflaged, of course, for a bit for flair.

Hunter S. Thompson once wrote: "If you want to write like someone, just read and re-read, at least 10 times, your favorite work by that person." Easy enough, I said, and proceeded to read blogs of all sorts on all topics until I found a style and voice I liked. It turned out to be a blog about an American ex-pat living in Paris.  It was written by someone called Auntie something or someone whose child was enrolled in the American School in Paris. The hook, for me, was how her writings illustrated the use humor to get one’s point across.

So, armed with that prescience, I chose to write about politics. Even though I don’t particularly care for nor understand politics.

"What could go wrong, boobalah?", I asked myself in my best New York Jewish accent. Yes, what indeed? But, "Tallyho", was all that was returned from the mirror, mirror, on the wall.

From Mr. Thompson I also learned about drugs, drug paraphernalia, how to transport drugs, how drinking and politics are intertwined and co-dependent, and most importantly, how to correctly use the word "atavistic" in a sentence. There, see, I just did it. Tallyho!

Next, I had to choose or create a name for the blog. A name that would invite folks to read it. A name easy to spell. A name purposefully disassociated from all topics: A name that could be reused for all manner of topics, thereby affording me multiple chances to fail.

But, I had just violated my own first rule. So, in the spirit of things I said, "To hell with the rules, Tallyho!"

Then, while pondering names for my blog I remembered a good friend from my, let’s say, colorful past, whose name I won’t divulge, but who liked to answer the phone by spelling his last name. "O-G-O-Z-A-L-E-K", he would say, firmly. And even though in retrospect it sounds like we were in an asylum, we were actually working for a large military aircraft company on its OV1-B project.

John’s favorite question was, "Why Is A Cow?" And, his favorite answer, after a beer or three, was always, "The more, the much". But, after some lite research I deduced that his question was really a Zen question, to which the answer, phonetically, is "moo", meaning there is no answer to the question. Sartre would have liked John, and that made me think of politics all the more.

The voices I chose included: me, country boy, nerd, ne'er-do-well, and mal vivant.  I purposely eschewed: Management Consultant, Multilayer Printed Circuit Board Designer, Computer Programmer, and Outsourcing Sales Professional, because all of those voices fell in the "Nerd" category.  Some voices die hard.

At that point, all that was left to do was to practice. So, I wrote a few pieces, polishing them as best I could, trying some of them on my friends. Then I launched my  blog.  I kept at it for several years, and what I have learned so far is that cutting grass or herding cats is much easier and definitely more rewarding. But hey, I’m a masochist with a few years still left in his old fingers, so I will press on. Tallyho!

Oh, if you decide to follow suit, I wish you the best of luck.  It is great fun, and if you decide to monetize it can be rewarding, as well.